Chante JVR

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“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet”

Yeah, you tell em, Juliet! Marriage is a joyous union of two souls, a celebration of love and commitment that often comes with many changes. One such decision is whether to change your last name after tying the knot. While it is a tradition deeply rooted in history, it’s essential to recognize that feelings about this matter can vary, and that’s completely okay. Jeremy and I chatted about this for the longest time. Growing up, I hated my last name and I couldn’t wait to get married and change my last name from de Bod to something with just one simple word that no one had any issues pronouncing. Now I’m about to change my last name to Jansen Van Rensburg so well done me! As I got older, I grew to love my last name, regardless. It became a part of me. I would have loved to double-barrel our names but I could never invoke de Bod-Jansen Van Rensburg on myself or my future children!

Should you feel bad for wanting to keep your last name? Today, we delve into the emotional aspects of changing your last name and explore the empowering notion that whatever choice you make, it should always reflect who you truly are.

1. A Personal Choice: It’s crucial to remember that your last name is more than just a label; it’s an integral part of your identity. For some, taking their partner’s last name signifies a sense of unity and a fresh start as they begin a new chapter together. On the other hand, others may feel a strong connection to their maiden name, a link to their heritage, and a sense of identity that they wish to preserve. The decision to change or retain your last name should be a personal choice, free from societal pressure or expectations.
2. Feelings of Sadness and Loss: It’s entirely normal to experience mixed emotions when considering a name change. Parting with a name you’ve carried for years may evoke feelings of sadness and a sense of loss. It can be challenging to let go of something that has been a part of your identity for so long. Allow yourself to process these emotions and discuss them openly with your partner and loved ones. Remember, it’s okay to feel conflicted, and embracing those feelings is an essential part of self-discovery.
3. Open Communication with Your Partner: In any marriage, open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a strong relationship. Talk to your partner about your feelings regarding your last name. They should understand and support your decision, regardless of whether you choose to change it, keep it, or even hyphenate it. A supportive partner will embrace your choice and appreciate your desire to be true to yourself.
4. Embracing Alternatives: If you find yourself torn between keeping your last name and adopting your partner’s, consider alternatives that allow you to honour both your identities. Hyphenating your last names can be a beautiful compromise, signifying your unity while preserving your individuality. Alternatively, creating a new last name, one that holds special meaning for both of you, can be a unique and meaningful option.

In the journey of marriage, the choice of whether to change your last name is one that should be entirely yours. Whatever you decide, remember that your name is an integral part of who you are, and embracing your identity is essential to maintaining a strong sense of self. Whether you choose to take your partner’s last name, keep your maiden name, hyphenate, or find an alternative that represents both of you, know that your decision is valid and deserves respect. Celebrate the love and commitment you share with your partner while staying true to the wonderful individual you have always been.

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